Embracing Criticism: We Can Get Better Or Be Bitter!

We can get better or we can get bitter. It’s your choice.

Before you start stockpiling tissues, let's get this straight: choosing to value criticism is a learned skill. It’s not easy, but we don't have to get defensive. We don’t have to shut down. It’s all about the perspectives we bring to the situation.

It’s a truth as universal as gravity or the irresistible allure of the snooze button on Monday mornings. We see the world through our own personal lenses, and yes, sometimes, those lenses have a harsh filter. Let’s break down five ways to receive criticism instead of being debilitated by it.

#1 - Each one of us is selfish in nature.

It's a tough pill to swallow, but we're all innately self-centered beings. If life were a movie, each of us would be the star of our own, with everyone else being cast in supporting roles. Of course, everyone else seems to think they're the star, which can lead to some 'interesting' reviews of our performances.

When we receive criticism, it’s often a clash of these self-centric narratives. Understanding this doesn't mean we're turning into a bunch of narcissists, but rather that we're acknowledging everyone's a critic because everyone has a different perspective, which is not necessarily a verdict on our Oscar-worthiness.

When we understand the selfish nature in all of us…it makes sense that in moments when criticism is sent our way, the person giving it may be looking out for themselves before anyone else. Providing criticism makes them feel better. Your needs our secondary.

I’m not saying it’s right, but it doesn’t make it less true. Understanding that rather than fighting it will take you a long way on the road to receiving criticism differently.

#2 - Consider their perspective.

This isn’t easy, but it’s possible.

“Sometimes we are on the receiving end of what someone else deserved.”

Life isn’t fair. Life can downright suck at times. When you receive criticism, remember where the shoes have been of the person on the other side…

They could have fought with their spouse before they got to the office. They might have been pulled over for speeding. The school could have called and given them bad news about the actions of one of their kids.

The bottom line…we have no idea what they are going through!

Now, this would be an easy place for us to say, “Who cares what they are going through, they were a jerk.” And that doesn’t make you wrong…but that’s how 99% of our world thinks.

If you want to be better, if you want to grow, if you want to be better, you have to act DIFFERENT.

When we consider the perspective of others, it changes every conversation we will ever have.

#3 - Actually listen, don't shut down.

Let's be honest: Our first instinct when faced with criticism is often to either plug our ears or get our boxing gloves on. But if we're going to navigate the waters of criticism without capsizing our self-esteem, we need to actually listen.

This doesn't mean turning into a human doormat; it simply means opening up to the idea that there might be a nugget of wisdom hidden in that critical feedback sandwich.

I think at times, we believe that by listening we are in agreement. So, we shut down instantly. But, when we shut down, we shut ourselves off from any opportunity to grow.

I was taught to “eat the fish and spit out the bones.” There isn’t a person on the planet you agree with 100%. There is also not a person on the planet you disagree with 100%.

News channels and politicians want to convince us of how different we are…but if we’d actually listen, we’ll realize we have way more in common with most people than we think! Start listening and watch what happens!

#4 - Ask good questions.

As we all know, every good adventurer needs a map. In the wild lands of criticism, asking good questions is your best compass. It helps you navigate through the murky waters of subjectivity and personal bias, into the land of useful feedback.

Questions like, "Could you provide a specific example?" or "How would you suggest I improve?" can turn a hailstorm of criticism into a sprinkler of constructive feedback. After all, it's not about surviving the storm but about learning how to dance in the rain.

Life hack incoming…if you can learn to ask questions before you get upset, you’ll win more conversations than you’ll lose. But more importantly, you’ll add value to more relationships than you hurt.

#5 - Don't defend yourself.

Easier said than done, right? You’re not Russell Crowe…this isn’t Gladiator. We don’t have to be looking for fights. This is what insecure people do. They fight because they aren’t mature enough to have a conversation. In these moments, your maturity should show through, not your insecurity.

This isn't to say you should let all criticism pass unchallenged. Instead, take a moment to consider whether there's any merit to it. If there is, great – you've just gained valuable insight! If there isn't, also great – you've just practiced patience and self-control. Either way, you're growing, and that's what matters.

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in her last basketball game of the season…the ref (who is pretty bad) made a bad call and the other team’s coach starts yelling “bull sh*t” over and over again on a court full of seven and eight-year-olds.

Talk about emotional insecurity…he had a moment to teach his son and others on the court that just because the call doesn’t go your way, you can still rise above it with character and maturity. But no, he taught them to pitch a fit, cry about it, and fight over something meaningless.

Don’t handle criticism that way. Be in control, operate with grace, and remember that the person on the other side is messed up just like you are. People need our love and acceptance more than anything else. Become a “grace dealer” in heated moments of criticism and you’ll become a better version of yourself quickly!

Remember, criticism, like Brussels sprouts, may be hard to stomach but can be surprisingly good for you. With a dash of humor, a sprinkle of perspective, and a good dollop of patience, you might just find that criticism can be a dish best served… constructively.