I Am Embarrassed
I am embarrassed…
As I sit here looking at my computer screen, I’m nervous as to what I’m about to type.
So, let me say this as I start…if you get mad or offended by this blog…that’s on you.
Why? Because this blog is about me. I’m not casting judgment. I’m not throwing stones. I’m not pointing fingers. I’m not blaming anyone…OTHER THAN MYSELF.
I encourage you to listen…
Why am I embarrassed?
On September 1, 2016 Colin Kaepernick kneeled for the first time and national tv was all over it.
I was mad. I felt like it was so disrespectful to our flag, to our country and to the men and women who fought for the freedom “we” have in America. And I felt justified in my anger…
But this is why I’m embarrassed…
Because in my ignorance and selfishness, I just assumed that for all the same freedoms that I’m grateful to have to live in America, Colin should be grateful too. SHAME ON ME!
I think that should have ticked off men and women who have served our country because there are still so many people using their “freedoms” that brave men and women have fought and died to keep certain groups of people oppressed and hurting.
The last 8-10 days have shown me that the country that I (a very white person) was proud of, people of color may not share that same “proudness.”
This morning on my way to my office I began listening to “White Fragility” and wow…is it shocking!
At the beginning of the book, it says that racism has almost become American…which is why when we see protests it’s almost easier to see it as an anti-America protest than a protest for justice and against the oppression of a group of people that SHOULD be as FREE as me!
I chose not to look past my own white entitlement to seek an understanding of why CK’s knee was on the ground.
We saw a vice president get up and walk out of a game because he was so against it…
But I’m now realizing what 44 million black people saw? They saw one of the biggest leaders in their country turn his back on them.
Shame on me.
Shame on me for my selfishness.
Shame on me for my belief that because it’s not happening around me, it’s not a real threat.
Shame on me.
“It is white people’s responsibility to be less fragile; people of color don’t need to twist themselves into knots trying to navigate us as painlessly as possible.”
This is a quote from “White Fragility,” and I encourage you to read it as I am.
We have to quit making every decision, feeling every feeling, and saying what we choose to say through ONLY the lense that we’ve grown up with.
It’s time to start walking in other people’s shoes.
It’s time that I put everyone before myself, not just some people. Because my mind is open.
I am praying.
I am listening.
I am changing the way I’ve viewed our world for my entire life.
In the same way, Jesus went into the temple and started flipping over tables…I am going to do the same thing to see equality actually happen in our country!
Because no matter the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your political views, WE ARE ALL EQUAL!
So it’s about time I start living like I actually believe that statement.
To my friends of color, though I have always loved you…but I have not always chosen to hear you. And for that, I am embarrassed and so so sorry!
I am so grateful for the words of wisdom I have seen come across Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I’m thankful that God has given me a new perspective. I’m so thankful!
Well, this whole blog is for nothing if it’s just words right?
So, what I am doing?
I’m educating myself.
I’m reading “White Fragility.”
I’m following more black leaders on social media to help understand their lives better.
I’ve given money to help the cause.
We bought books with children of color in them that we are reading to our children to help them see color as a beautiful thing and an equal thing.
I’m calling it out.
I’ve had uncomfortable conversations on social media already with good friends because I thought what they said was wrong (in my opinion).
And I will continue to do this whenever I see it or hear it.
I’m becoming a part of the solution.
I’m being more intentional about showcasing my black friend’s businesses. It’s so easy to navigate towards people that look like me if I’m not intentional. So, I’m being intentional! I want to see monitory businesses grow! I want to see young minorities feel empowered to take advantage of their freedoms in our country and start new businesses!
And I will keep being a mouthpiece on social media.
I’m being honest with myself.
I’m humbling myself to admit that I’ve been wrong.
I’m not saying “All Lives Matter” because that cheapens what this fight is about.
I’m realizing that though I don’t believe I’m racist, I’ve been a part of the problem none the less.
I’m owning my actions, thoughts, and prejudices from my past.
I heard Pastor John Gray say the other day, “Your silence is consent.”
I don’t give a crap if you agree or disagree with him…because I love my friends, I’m believing it 100%!
If you’re still reading…LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD! Don’t stay silent! The future our children live in depends on what we all do with this moment.
And finally…
The ONLY thing that is going to heal racism in our country is JESUS. No law can fix it. No executive order can fix it. The blood of JESUS can fix it! Period.
Please, please, please…do not weaponize the bible right now. Don’t pick out your random verse to justify your hate or prejudice.
GOD IS LOVE. No matter what you say next matters. GOD IS LOVE.
To my friends that are every color but white…
I see you. I love you. I am fighting alongside you. And I work as if it depends on me and pray as if it depends on Him…but we WILL see this country change for the better! I believe that!
PS: I was embarrassed…but I am no longer. Because I’ve been woke to the true injustice in our country and will tolerate it no longer.
Thanks for reading everyone. Go be the change! Let’s not just talk about it.